How do you doula?

What do you get if you cross a coach and a facilitator with a funeral celebrant? The answer, my friends, is a doula! Over the last two years, I’m been working towards this special mahi, reflecting on my own experiences, digging deep into death and dying, getting certified and accredited, and connecting with the wider doula community.

Coincidentally, I’ve had a number of good friends who have died recently, their deaths bringing on shock, sadness, intense grief and gratitude. Yes, gratitude that they have been a part of my life, and that I was part of theirs.

So, what exactly does an end-of-life doula do? The simple answer is: “it depends,” but it’s important to know it’s a non-clinical role that complements the work of health professionals and funeral directors. Doulas tend to focus on the stuff they’re good at, using their skills at different points of the 10 Stages of Living. There’s a natural space for me in death education (or ‘deaducation’), helping people with documentation like Advance Care Plans, supporting them and their whānau through challenging times, and of course offering funerals (including living funerals, which are growing in popularity).

Vigils - or sitting with people as they are dying - is another important part of my work. And my recent experience in the funeral industry helps me support you and your family after death, preparing the body for whatever’s next.

This is an emerging role in New Zealand, even though other countries - like the States, the UK and Australia - have been engaging end of life doulas for years now. Here, people like me are well supported by ELDAA, the Aotearoa Alliance for End-of-Life Doulas, a growing group backed up with local and international experts who share this kaupapa.

If this resonates for you or a community group you work alongside, give me a call to have a chat - I’m happy to share what I do, and how it might help you and your family or friends.